Subject: FANFIC: Sonic Fights Robotnik 3: Too Fast For The Naked Eye From: soniciscool@yahoo.com (SONIC FAN) Date: Sun, Jul 12, 1998 02:24 EDT Message-id: LEGAL STUFF----------- All characters like Sonic and stuff, fetured in this story are copyright of SEGA and Archie Comics. Except for Packbell, Chris Petrucci and Vision, and others they are copyrights of their respective authors. HOWEVER THEY DO NOT APPEAR IN THIS STORY. Other copyrights like Beavis and Butthead and Mountain Due and Greenday are copyrights of other companies. THe author of this story does not intend to imply ownership of anything or anycharacters in the following story. This story may be distributed for free but you can't sell it for money. End of LEGAL STUFF---- SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK 3 Too Fast for The Naked Eye By SONIC FAN Another SWAT smashing action paked story from the master of sonic fan fiction!!! It was another day in Knothole not being without the worry of Dr. Ivo Robontik. All the freedom fighters were doing useful stuuff. Sally was orgazining the computor records, Bunnie was reajusting her mechanical arm and ROtor was dunking donuts in the lab. Meanwhile while this stuff was being done Sonic was in his hut watching TV. Then Tails walked in. "Hi there Tails have a Mountain Due" said Sonic "thanks sonic hey whats on TV." "Everything on tv sucks thanks to robotnik. Since the TV station is still down the only thing to watch is robotniks channel" said sonic {{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just then Rotor suddenly spilled coffee on the cybersuit. "oops" he said {{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sonic is watching TV. Robotnik: Doo doo doo this is the robotnik channel and it's time for the Robotnik show! Snively and the SWAT bot orchastra play the Robotnik Show theme song. Snively plays the sax. Robotnik: Helloo! Wlecome to the show! Live from Robotnropolis! So freedom fighters are like, lame. SWAT bots: HA......HA.........HA "Boo!" say sonic and Tails Robotnik: We'll be right back after this commercial. Doo doo doo doo doo dooo. Hello. Are you robotocizd? If not there are people who can help. Just stop by robotropolis and we'll robotocize you good. Doo doo doo I'm Dr. Ivo Robotnik doo doo doo I'm a singin' my song because we're back ooh doo doo doo doo. Robotnik: Today our guest is Ken Penders. Snively and the swats play music while Ken walks onstage Robtnik: Hiya Ken! Ken: Hello Mr. Docotor Robotnik: Please, call me Ivo Ken: ok Evo Robotnik: IVO! Ken: Ok FatO Robotnik: Fok!!! just forget it! Ken: Otay Robotnik: So Ken what do you do for a job Ken: Well I draw Sonic comics Robotnik: really Ken: because I hate sonic Robotnik: Really? ME TOO!!! Ken: And I want to kill Sally! RobotniK: Really? ME TOO!!! Ken: Mmm-hmmm thats right a-yup Robotnik: So if you draw sonic comics.... Ken: ya Robotnik: and you hate sonic... Ken: ya Robotnik: Wouldn't that be kind of a.....Walking Contradiction? Ken: In what way Robotnik: Snively, wouldn't you agree that's it's a walking contradiction Snively: Well...uuhhh...I.... Robotnik: JUST SAY YES!!!! Snivley: Um, ok, er um, ah, yes Robotnik pulls out and electric guitar and snively plays the bass some SWAT bot plays drums They play Walking Contradiction by Greenday Robotnik: DUNN DUUNN DUNNN WALKING CONTRADICTION!!! Sonic says "Well that wasted some time. I wonder what Roter is up to" JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE HUT!!! Rotor "Sonic Its' an emergency!!!" "What is it? Another SWAT missel?" says Sonic "No!" said Rotor "Geoffry St. George is putting the moves on Sally!" "Ye gads!" said sonic "I'll be right out there kicking his butt in a few minutes!" "Hey sonic" mentioned Tails "Did you ever think that our lives are like TV shows sometimes" "Uhh whaddya mean?" sonic said "Well you know sometimes we do stuff and it's like the stuff on Tv and stuff" tails said "Tails shut up. I don't know what the fock you're talking about our life being tv or something now I gotta JUICE!" sonic said then he ran out of the hut WHOOOOSH! {{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Knothole Villiage SCRREEEEECHCHHHH!!! CRRAAAASSSHHHHH!! sonic runs into a hut "Ahhh Sally you are like the most beutiful apple" Geoffry said "You are so flattery" said Sally Sonic climbed out of the junk pile "Hold it G! Get your hands off her you dam dirty ape!" sonic spat "Oh well look at this. If it isn't the villiage buffooon." Geoffrey said "How are you today villiage buffoon? Felling stupid i thought so fa-ha ha ha" "SHUT UP!!!" sonic said "Oh touche, Sono. I am great, you are not, end of story" Geoff said "Oh yeah, well let's just figt about it, buttmunch." sonic said "Well ok we shall du-el for the love of fair lady princess sally" Geoff said "In a gentlemanly fashion of course. And of couse I will wi-" Just then Sonic turned into a spin blade and cut Geoffry in half! "Oh my God! They killed Geoffrey!" said Rotor "YOU BASTARDS!" said Tails {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} 5 min. later "Hey rotor" said Sonic "How's my cybersuit? Is the tune- up done?" Rotor said "Er, well I kind of spilled coffee on it so I had to clean it. And instead of using Polymethalene cleanser i used Polyzethelene cleanser" "And that means..." said sonic, tapping his foot "It don't work no more" said Rotor "Oh well that's just not good. What will we do now. Do you know how to fix it robor?" "Hell no" said Rotor "Well this is just peachee" sonic said "Hey sonic my Uncle Bob used to have a cybersuit I bet he can fix yours!" said Tails "Way past cool bro!" said sonic "Where does he live?" "Like, on the other side of mobius" tails replied "FOCK!" said sonic "Well I guess we have to go there" "Hey Sal" said Sonic "Me an Tails are going to find Bob Prower" SAlly said "Can you stop by the mall and pick up some stuff" "Stuff? well ok." sonic said Sally gave sonic the shopping list. Then she moved close to him and said "Hey thanks for killing Geoffry St. George he was a real dumbass. he kept like saying stupid stuff to me and stuff." "No prob Sal" said Sonic "I'm always glad to kill Geoff" "Well like, get going now or something" said sally "Ya ya hey tails get the hoverbikes!" sonic said {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} Mobius Garage less than 1 minute later "Wow y'all they all is osme hoverbikes isn that a right Antony?" Bunnie said "Zee is le ooh la ola of zee bike hoovaire izznt ze Sonique?" Antoinne said Bunnie says "Y'all got th' sprokets in em. sprok'ts is funny ya'll know some of em are round and some of em are sqaure hecka y'all all ought'a know some of em arent even sprokets at all!" "Oui oui ze spookets is ze mose importante part ov ze Hoo-veir-siay-coule" antoinne said "Yeah I'll keep that in mind or something" sonic said *they're stupid* sonic thought to himself "Juciy peanut butter an jam on the hoverbikes HEY HO LETS GO" said Tails revving the engine of his bike Sonic jumped on a bike and started it. KRAKA KRAKA BADOOOM! The engines of both bikes blow up "Oh ya'll suga" said Bunnie "I was a try'hin to fix tha old ther old bikes but some of em was bolts and some of em was screws and some of em was sprokets. Heck all y'all some em weren't even things at all!" "Ah oui i say BOONIE pass me ze sPoRokEt and she passe me une sproket when i want UNE SPROOKATE! UNE SPROOKATE! ise zat zo ard to oonderstande?" Antoinne said "ok Tails, plan B. This sucks." sonic said "Plan C, we walk, or in our case run and fly really fast" sonic continued So SOnic and Tails ran off into the sunset going in the general direction of the Mobius Mall {{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Robotropolis, the Death Egg "Mwahahahaha" said Robotnik "I own the only TV station on Mobius now they have to watch MY SHOWS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Grounder and Scratch were in front of the TV camera Grounder shoots scratch with a laser gun "Huhuhuhuhuh" said Grounder "Heheheheheh" says Scratch. Then scratch beats grounder with a computer terminal "You idiots!" Robotnik said "Cut that out! Why don't you do something useful, like kill people at the mall or something" "Cool" said grounder "Heh heh heh heh yeah!" said scratch "cool!" "Uhhh sir" said Snively, walking into the room Robotnik walks in front of the TV camera and says "Hello, I would like to make a public service announcement. Snively is dumb. Thank you." Everybody laughs except for snively who mutters "Ugly old robofat" {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Mobius Mall "let's see what we're supposed to get" sonic said, looking at the list "Hmmm a dress, I guess we don't need to get that since Geoffry is dead" "Hey sonic wanna spend all the money at the arcade?" said Tails "Yeah" said sonic "Good idea, i hate shopping" Scratch and Grounder are hiding behind a plant "Hehehheh" said Scratch "Were we supposed to get like, apples or something" "No Buttwad" said Grounder as he loaded his grenade launcher "we have to kill people and stuff" {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} Arcade Tails is playing pinball Sonic sees the pinball machine and has a flashback "AHHHHHH!!! NO! NOT PINBALL!" he screams and then falls on the floor. On the way down he knocks over a few arcade machines {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}} Internet Cafe Sonic is reading the newsgroups and drinking a cafe late. alt.fan.sally-acorn "Here's a message from Geoffry St. George" From: stgeorge@knothole.com Message Title: Hello Sally Hello Sally I love you. What say we have some cybersex. "Arg! I'll kill him!" says Sonic Sonic goes back to the arcade to check on Tails {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}} Grounder and Scratch walk into the arcade both are heavily armed. Then sonic walks in "Yo tails what up?" Grounder drones "Hegehog Priority 1 or something!" "Heheh heh heh heh DIE!!!!" says Scratch Sonic and Tails duck behind A pac man machine. Grounder fires grenades at it blowing it up. Sonic runs and leaps onto antoehr machine. Scratch fires the machine gun all over the place. Tails jumps on grounder and pulls his nose out and lets it snap back "Ow! huh huh!" said grounder "You die infeldel Kitasune!" Tails gets hit by grounders drill missle! "ack i'm bleeding!" said Tails Sonic spin dashes through an arcade machine and smashes into scratch. Snic steals his gun and puts it to Scratches head and pulls the trigger! KABLAMO!!! "heh heh me dead" said Scratch Grounder fires moregrenades. They miss sonic but blow up arcade machines. Sonic gets hit in the head with a stray joystick. He gets knocked down. Grounder rolls over to him. Then the voice from Furry Mortal Kombat III says "Finish Him" sonic pulls out a power ring and dashes grounder blowing him up into a kazillion peices. "Game Over for them" said sonic Sonic and Tails leave the mall but before they do they get some food from Furry McDonald's and steal TP from the bathrooms and TP the guy working a Furry Radio Shack. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sonic and Tails trek accross Mobius to find Bob Prower. They have many exciting adventures but eventually they reach a town. {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} 6 months after they left Knothole Sonic and Tails arrive at the town where Tails used to live "I used to live here you know" said Tails "Bob's Trailer is just over there....." Just then a robot moves towards them. Followed by a spy eye. They spy eye has robotnik's face on the screen. "HELLOOOOOO!" says Robotnik "Yo Tubbanik I've seen enough of you on TV already" sonic says "Hah hah shut up Sonic. You see, I followed you here so you could meet my newest bot. Meet TANK BOT mark II" Robotnik said The robot comes into view. It's Tank Bot only bigger, better and more heavily armed "BEEP BEEP KILL FREEDOM FIGHTERS ARRR BEEP BEEP BEEP" says the bot "Ok" says Sonic "Tails......run" Tank Bot chases after sonic. It runs at Sonic's speed sonic can hardly dodge all the lasers and missles flying at him. Sonic runs up a wall. *this alwaysworks* he thinks But Tank Bot II doesn't fall for that trick! It fires a missle at sonic which missle the blue blure by only an inch. Sonic is running around Tails is flying around. Then Tails catches a missle and throws it at the bot. YOWZA! KABLAMO! TANK BOT 2 EXPOLDES! "Another day another tank bot dead" said sonic "we don't kill tank bot every day you know" said Tails "Ya ya ya what" said sonic The cameraman tells them to go to the next scene {{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Bob Prower's trailer Tails knocks on the door "Hey uncle Bob we need your help!" Bob opens the door carrying a triple-barrel shotgun "Come in ye, Welcome to my trailer" "hi there" says Sonic "Are you like, Bob Marley" "No" said Bob "Knuckles is like Bob Marley" "You've never met him though" said sonic "The author told me" said Bob "Yo what up" I said "Hey author" said sonic "Hey how's it going" I said "Past cool" said sonic "See you later" I said "Jam past cool alligator" said sonic "Now getting back to the plot" says sonic "What do you do around here" "I make bombs" said Bob "He used to be in the furry IRA" said Tails "That could be useful we could use bombs" said sonic "But" sonic said "What we need you for right now is to fix the cybersuit" "Yeah" said Tails "And fix our TV station too! You can do that right Bob?" "Fock ye" said Bob "I'm not some fixing machine" "We got lotsa chili Dogs" said sonic "And hotdogs on a stick?" said Bob "Yeh" said sonic "Well I'll do it then" Bob said {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} 6 months later they all arrive back at Knothole. That would mean they were gone for about a year. "Sally, meet my uncle Bob Prower. Can he be a freedom fighter?" Tails asked Sally "Well, I dunno, he's kind of ugly" said sally Just then a bullet swishes past Sally's head! Ken Penders is at the top of the clock tower shooting at Sally! Bob pulls out his shotgun and shoots ken Penders. BLAM! "EYAH!" Ken falls off the tower *thud* "Hello chaps! Jolly good day isn't it!" said Geoffry St. George Bob shoots Geoffry right in the left eye, the bullet goes throgh his head and hits the bulllseye on a swatbot target "Oh my God, they killed Geoffry!" said Rotor "YOU BASTARDS!" said Tails "But you see Sally" Tails continued "He's useful!" "Well alright he can stay" Sally said "Gee thanks bit--" bob said "UNCLE BOB!!!" said Tails "But he'd better learn some manners" said Sally "Or he'll end up like PEZ boy did in the last story cuz I'll shove a power ring down his throat!" {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}} Rotor's Lab Bob fineshed fixing the cybersuit. Sonic Tails and Rotor watched TV. Robotnik: Doo doo doo It's The Robotnik With A Bucket on His Head and Snivley With a Mop on his Head Show! Hello I'm Robotnik and I have a bucket on my head! doo doo doo bucket head doo doo doo doo doo Oh look here's Snively! Say Hi snively! Snivley:Er, yes, um I am Snivley. And I have a mop on my head....a-doo doo doo...doo Robotnik: Weeee-ha! woo woo woo! Bob shot the TV. "Buncha idyuts" he said "Hey I was watchin' that!" said Sonic But Bob had already left {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} 10 seconds later "All right Tails" said Sonic "Where would Bob have gone?" "Well If i know my uncle, and I do know my uncle, I say if he hated that show he was going to kill the cast of it namely Snivley and Robotnik" Tails said "He'll be robotocized!" said SOnic "Let's get the other freedom fighters and go save him!" {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}} Robotropolis, Death Egg After many action packed suspenseful battles the freedom fighter ended up in Robotnik's bathroom. "Ok gang" said Sally "Here's the plan. This is Big-Fat- Chubby-nik's personal bathroom so the control room is nearby. So we go there." But as luck would have it robotnik walked in. "Oh what's this" said Robotnik "Freedom Fighters in my bathroom. Well what a good way to test my new invention! Oh MARIO-bot!" clang clang clang "Hey Pizanos I am-a Super MArio Bot!" said MARIObot "MArio, Kill them" Robotnik said "I do-a whata you-a tella me to do-a cause a-you the big liguine" MAriobot said MARIObot shoved all the freedom fighters, with the lone exception of Sonic, into the large toilet. They wouldn't flush so mario had to shove them down the toilet with his plunger. Down they went into the septic tank. Then Sonic, wearing the cybersuit, stomped on Mariobot's head, crushing him. "What a walking contradiction!" Robotnik said He then proceeded to sing walking contradiction by Greenday After that some SWATbots took sonic prisoner and took him to the control room {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}} Robotropolis septic tank "Eww this stinks" said Rotor "Ah oui es ees STEEEEEENNNNNNKKKKKKKKAAAAYYYYYYY" Antoinne anoyyingly said "PA-HEW-PHEEEWWW-AHEEEWWWWWW-- "SHUTUP!" said Sally "Well wouldya all look at that what I found in the doody it's Geoffry St. George's dead body!" said Bunnie "Oh my God! They already killed Geoffry!" said Rotor "THOSE BASTARDS!" said Tails "Heh, I gave him a grave at sea or something" smiled sally "You know like you do with dead fish, flush them or something, well he smelled like fish, anyways, i'll just stop talking because i found a way out, a way out well lets go then shall we come on i don't have all day hup two three four lets go march march...." {{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Death Egg control room Robotnik: Ha hah....welcome to the Sonic Gets Killed Show, the show where sonic gets killed. I'm your host Ivo Robotnik. Sonic is tied to a SWAT missle "Wow I haven't seen one of these in a while" Sonic said Robotnik: And here is the suit that I confiscated from the hedgehog. Woo, classy suit. Who are you the suitman. Well looke here It's suithog sonic. Always wering a suit, what no tie don't make me laugh! ha...ha.....HA! Bob Prower blasts down the door with his shotgun! Sonic: Bob! Bob shoots robotnik in the metal arm Robotnik: Ow! ARRRGgg!!! Bob frees Sonic Robotnik turns his arm into a gun and shoots at them Robotnik: Snivley Grounder Scratch KILL THAT HEDGEHOG AND THAT FOX!!!! Grounder: Huh BLAM Grounder: uuhhhhh Scratch: Heh heh Bob shoots the bomb KABLAM Scratch: heh dead Snivley: Um, I'll just be going now Bob shoots Snivley, Snivley goes flying thorugh a glass window and falls down from the top of the death egg *splat* Sonic: It's wheel of fortune! I'm Pat Sajack the hedgehog and the category is DEAD FAT GUYS! I'd like to buy an R for YOU BUTTNIK! Sonic spins Robotnik dodges and shoots sonic Sonic: BR-GAAAK! oof Bob: That ain't nice Bob shoots Robotnik Robotnik: Ow....I'm dead! no! The rest of the freedom fighters arrive "Hey we're on TV!" said Sonic "Hi Mom!" said Rotor "Uhh rotor your Mom's robotocized" said Sonic "waah" said Rotor "Oh by the way" said Bob "We better skeedaddle cuz I put a penny in the reactor core as a joke and it's gonna essplode any time now" KKKKAAAAAABBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!! ROBOTROPOLIS BLOWS UP! Luckily Sonic and the Freedom Fighters escaped with time to spare. {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} Mobius TV Station Bob is fixing the TV antenna "hey stupid" bob said to tails "pass me a hammer" Tails threw a hammer at Bob. BoNk! "Ouch!" said bob as the hammer hit him in the head. Then the antenna fell over. "That's the third time today" said Sonic "Get this offa me ya lazy git" said Bob trapped under the antenna. Tails helped him get out. "Oh sonic" said Sally "I read your email and, you know......" cybersex? :) Oh sonic ;) "TAILS YA FRICKIN IDIOT STOP THROWING THOSE AT MY HEAD, WHAT ARE YA AIMING FOR IT OR SOMETHING?" yelled Bob "Yeah" said Tails "Why ya little" said Bob {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} Knotohole Villige Bob is leaving the freedom fighters " I must leave now" said bob "Will we see you again?" said Tails "I focking hope not" said Bob Then he left and Sonic and Tails went to watch TV. "Well now the TV stations back up and we won't have to watch Robot Melrose Place anymore" said SOnic "Cool, Furry South Park is on" said Tails "Remember when I was telling you how life was like TV?" Tails said "Yep" said Sonic Geoffrey St. George was standing by the window of the hut Tails pulled out a gun and shot geoffrey. Rotor stopped whatever he was doing and broke down the door of sonic's hut in emergency. "Oh my God! i had to go all the way across the villiage to get here They Killed Geoffrey!" said Rotor "YOU BASTARDS!" said Tails Furry Stan: Oh my God they Killed kenny the rabbit! Furry Kyle: You bastards! "Oh now I get it!" said Sonic THE END In Robotropolis Robotnik pulled himself out of a pile of scrap metal "Woah." said Robotnik "It's a good thing I wasn't really dead, or I'd be dead now" "yes sir, very good sir" said Snivley "But tommorrow is another day" said Robotnik "Another chance to kill that hedgehog!"